


OmgZombies Please!

by FuckMeGentlyWithAChainsaw



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: AU, Blood and Gore, F/M, I wanted a zombie au so I made a zombie au, M/M, This garbage that I don't edit at all, this is self indulgent as all fuck, zombie apocalypse AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-10-23 05:03:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10712739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuckMeGentlyWithAChainsaw/pseuds/FuckMeGentlyWithAChainsaw
Summary: “Damn. The National Guard was not fucking around.” Ransom murmured.





	1. Welcome To Samwell

They were, to put it kindly, a little worse for wear. Holster had one shoe, hadn’t slept in a day in a half, hadn’t eaten in just as long, and he had poison ivy snaking up his right ankle because they had been walking through a woody area a few days ago and he only had one shoe. Ransom had a gash on his left forearm that was hastily sutured with messy, interrupted, stitches. It wasn’t warm or terribly swollen, but Holster couldn’t help but think that flushing it with vodka wasn’t going to keep it clean and healing for very long. And they were running out of clean gauze to keep it covered. 

Holster has spent a reasonable chunk of the last week thinking about what the hell he was going to do if Ransom’s arm got infected. Needless to say, without antibiotics, things would go to shit in no time flat. 

His head lolled back against the tree they were set up in for the night. They’d been on empty highway for three days and after that first night on the ground out in the open like that...they were going to take turns keeping watch and making sure the sleeping bro didn’t fall off one of the two or three branches that had proven to hold their weight. Well, they would take turns, but Holster wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway and Ransom was kind of a bitch when he was tired. 

Holster listened to a few Z’s shuffle through the newly fallen leaves as dawn broke and cast everything in a cool gray light. His thin sweatshirt didn’t quite stave off the cold of the early morning. The weather hadn’t gotten too bad yet, but if they couldn’t find somewhere to hunker down for the winter? They’d be as good as zed. 

“Dude,” Ransom shifted carefully as he woke up, “you gotta stop letting me sleep all night.” 

“Nah, man, I was up anyway, don’t worry about it.” He said. Ransom huffed and reached up to grab his backpack from its place hanging off of a higher branch. 

“I’m taking watch tonight,” Ransom replied. 

“Fine,” Holster agreed, “let’s rewrap your arm and roll out. It’s been quiet as hell all night, but I don’t trust it.” 

Ransom pulled out a small roll of gauze in a plastic package and a protein bar. “Breakfast?” He handed Holster the bar as he opened the gauze and set about re-bandaging the gash which was, thankfully, still only oozing a small amount of clear fluid, for now, at least. 

Holster opened the bar and let the wrapper float to the ground and broke it in half. “Bro, this has chocolate in it.” He said, smiling. 

“Oh man, we’re fancy as hell this morning,” Ransom tied off his bandage and took his half. 

“We’re definitely living it up.” Holster agreed tapping his piece with Ransom’s like they had every morning since they ran out of actual food. “Here’s to not dying today.” 

“Or tomorrow.” Ransom replied. 

“and to fucking finding Samwell so we don’t freeze out here after busting ass to stay alive all summer.” 

Ransom smiled and shoved his piece into his mouth, “to fucking finding Samwell.”  
\----  
It was stupid pretty out considering the suffocating silence only broken by the occasional rustle of leaves and footfalls on pavement. The sun was shining brightly, the sky was clear, and there was a cool breeze that wasn’t strong enough to chill. 

They alternated between walking in silence and talking about the one thing they were both looking forward too. 

“Bro, if there’s not a pond by Samwell, we’re gonna find one.” Holster promised. “We’re gonna find food and shelter—“  
“--and somewhere to play shinny.” Ransom finished. “We need to find skates and everything, though.” 

Holster scoffed, “I found us clean water in the middle of the fucking zombie apocalypse, in Texas, in the middle of goddamn July. Bro, we can find some skates and sticks.” 

Ransom laughed, “well, when you put it like that—“he was cut off by a shriek. It was sharp and cut too short, still ringing in the air as the sound was replaced by a few sharp pops and someone yelling. 

A girl stumbled out of the tree-line and into the road, followed closely by a couple of Z’s who looked about as hungry as Holster was. He glanced over at Ransom, but he’d already sprinted ahead, pulling his knife from the makeshift strap on his thigh. Holster pulled his own and ran past the Z that was now sporting the thick black handle of Ransom’s blade to grab a handful of loose, sloughy hair on the second before thrusting his knife in through its ear. 

He removed his knife and double checked Ransom’s kill before walking a few yards into the grass where Ransom was kneeling by the girl. She was all sharp, jutting bones and covered in dirt. Her brown hair was held in a messy knot on top of her head with a strip of fabric. 

“Hey, take a deep breath with me okay?” Holster stood by, watching for movement beyond the trees. Once it looked like the girl had calmed down some, she stood up abruptly. 

“I have to go back to—my boyfriend was still at our camp and they--there were like ten of them down by the river about a mile down and I didn’t want to lead them back to camp but then I heard the yelling and the gunshots and—“

“Hey,” Ransom quickly followed after her, “we heard the gunshots too. That means they were fighting back, right? Let’s go check it out. I’m Ransom and this is my buddy Holster.” 

The girl slowed down as Holster came up on her other side, “I’m Cait.” She replied, still eyeing them suspiciously as they walked. 

“Well I’m Adam and he’s Justin,” Holster clarified, “but Ransom and Holster are hockey nicknames that kind of just stuck.” 

Cait didn’t seem to relax any, but she looked slightly less terrified, “my boyfriend plays hockey. Played hockey I guess. He was a goalie for Yale.” 

Ransom flashed him an excited smile, “Awesome, Holtzy and I have been looking forward to winter all year. We haven’t skated since, you know, before everything and we’re totally going to find a frozen pond for some shinny.” 

At that she smiled, “how very Zombieland of you.” 

Holster was quiet for a beat, “dude we should definitely be looking for Twinkies too. What have we been doing this whole time?”

“Trying to not get eaten.” 

“Bro, we’ve gotta double down on finding some Twinkies.” 

They came up to a clearing that was a little bloody, but most of the people upright in the middle of the mess seemed to be alive. 

“Cait!” A guy came flying out of nowhere to pick up the girl and spinned her around before finally setting her down. “Oh my god, I thought—I’m so glad you’re okay? What happened? You’re okay, right?”

Cait nodded vigorously and held him at arms-length to look him over, “Are you?”

“Yeah, um, Kathy, from last night, she didn’t make it, but everyone else is okay. Not even a scratch. And all the dead-heads have been re-killed.” He pulled her in for another hug before he noticed Ransom and Holster standing behind her. 

“Hi.” He said, suddenly wary. 

“Oh, Chris, this is Ransom and Holster, they helped me ditch a few dead heads and offered to come back with me after they heard all the yelling. Oh, and they played hockey.” 

At that, Chris lit up, “no way! I was a goalie at school for a while, but then, you know. I’m Chris but you guys can totally call me Chowder, or C.” 

Ransom stepped forward to shake his hand, “Nice to meet you, C. We were D-men in undergrad. Haven’t played in a while though.”

“Me neither, all I can think about is avoiding dead heads and wondering if the Sharks are okay.” 

Cait rolled her eyes, “anyway, we’re wasting daylight, boys, we need to keep moving.” 

Holster was the first to suggest they travel together, “we’re on our way to find Samwell? The National Guard set up a safe zone at a university up here. It should just be a few more miles up the highway, I think.” 

Chris looked at Cait, who just nodded, “We’re all about finding a safe zone. Winter is Coming and all that.” 

Ransom nodded, “Awesome. We’ll hang around while you guys pack up.”  
\----  
It turned out that C wasn’t just hyper because he was hopped up on adrenaline. For someone who hadn’t eaten in three days, he was pretty animated in his very thorough explanation of what he thought different Shark’s players were doing at this very moment. 

They talked about hockey and school. C and Holster bonded over their shared pain of having spent so many years getting degrees (computer science and accounting) that were now effectively useless. Cait and Ransom subsequently bonded over the fact that every miserable second they spent in school could still possibly be of use (counseling and medicine). 

Holster was just about to suggest that they find a place to hunker down for the night when they came upon this huge metal gate, with walls just as huge sprouting out of each side. 

“Damn. The National Guard was not fucking around.” Ransom murmured. 

The silence, however, was unnerving and there was no way to tell who or what was on the other side of the gate. 

C shuffled in place, fidgeting with the strap on his backpack. “Do we just, like, knock, or?”

Holster shrugged and walked forward, placing a palm against the metal. He was hesitant to knock in case there were any Z’s around. He settled on picking up a rock from the side of the road and launching it over the wall. There was a sharp yelp and some hushed shuffling before someone leaned over the wall. 

“Brah, we’ve got survivors.” He called down behind him. Holster couldn’t hear the response but the man hanging over the top of the wall relayed the message. 

“Hey, guys, here’s what we’re gonna do..” 

They pulled out all of their weapons, like they were asked, and walked in holding each other’s hands like some kind of starving, sleep-deprived kindergarten class. 

The same man who was hanging over the wall closed the smaller door behind them and leaned into the deadbolt until they heard a heavy clunk. 

“Alright, however you identify, find a space on the wall over there and strip. We just need to make sure no one is infected before we let you through. Gotta be safe, you know?”

Everyone nodded and started pulling off grimy, bloodstained garments as a shorter girl came up behind the guy. 

“Ok, kids, you can call me Shitty and this here is my wall,” he patted the metal firmly. “This is our little isolation area that everyone has to pass through when they come in from the outside. This little lady is Larissa and she’s going to come around and make sure no one is sick.” 

Larissa walked down the line, checking everyone over without saying a word.

Holster spoke first. “Your name is Shitty?”

The man nodded, “Yep.” No explanation then, alright. 

Larissa made her way past Holster and paused at Ransom. “Whoa dude, what happened there?” She turned his arm over to examine the diagonal gash across his forearm.

Holster blanched, “he fell out of a tree,” he said quickly. “There’s no teeth marks or anything, it’s not a bite, I swear.” 

Larissa did not look convinced. “Shits, can you check this out?”

Shitty made his way over and he looked closer before nodding, “Hit up the infirmary first thing, bro. It’s a miracle you’re not septic already.” Ransom nodded and Holster let out the breath he was holding. 

“Thanks.”

“Not a problem guys, thanks for not being infected,” He clapped Ransom on the shoulder before returning to his post up on the wall. 

“You wouldn’t happen to have a change of clothes?” Cait asked hopefully, seeing how truly mortifying her tank top was after several weeks of continuous wear. 

Larissa nodded, “Yeah, I’ll grab you guys something before we go in. Wait here a sec.” She ducked out of the make-shift isolation chamber and returned a few minutes later with a stack of T-shirts and sweatpants. 

“It’s not Gucci, but it is clean. Mostly clean. Cleaner.” She said, digging through the pile to chuck everyone a shirt and a pair of pants in a somewhat appropriate size. 

Soon enough they were all dressed and their old clothes were whisked away by a terrified looking kid who was instructed to “throw that shit in the fire, brah.” 

Larissa lead them out of the isolation chamber without much ceremony. “Ok, so here’s how this works. You’ll have an entry interview with Cap to make sure none of you are like serial killers or whatever, then you’ll get housing assignments, job assignments, and after a week on parole you get your weapons back and you’ll be full members of Samwell for as long as you want to be and contribute to the community. Sound good?”

Everyone nodded. Ransom and Holster hadn’t seen so many people in one place since before Christmas. Holster found himself pushing closer to Ransom as someone walked by. People were looking, but not staring. Nobody was making a huge deal about them so Holster figured that people must come and go pretty frequently. 

They were lead to one of the rugged looking dorm buildings and up to the third floor. “Yo, Cap. I’ve got newbies.” She knocked roughly on the door twice before a short, tired looking blonde man answered. 

“Hey y’all. Welcome to Samewell. Come on in.” They shuffled in to a small communal area with one bedroom off of each side. “Take a seat and give me just a sec.” The ratty dorm furniture, shockingly, didn’t look much worse for wear than Holster imagined it did before everything happened. 

The blonde turned to talk quietly to Larissa who nodded at something he’d said before she stepped away. “Ok guys, I’ll be back for you after you talk to Cap for a bit.” She gave the short blonde a sloppy salute, “Cap.” 

“Well, I’m Eric, but most people call be Cap because…we’ll I’m not sure why, but they do. Before everything went to hell in a hand-basket I was in graduate school for Political Science and I loved to bake in my free time. Now I keep this place up and running and I live here with my husband Jack.” Everyone nodded and then he nodded at Ransom, “let’s go around just like that. Why don’t you start, honey.”  
\---  
Eric listened to all of their introductions with a kind attentiveness that none of them had seen much of recently. When they finished, he smiled. “Well aren’t you a talented group. Ransom and Cait I’d love for you two to help out in the infirmary so I’ll get ya’ll set up with Mandy, she’s our doctor, in just a bit. Chris and Holster I’m sure you’re both very smart but our scavenging team just took a bit of a hit and you two look like you might know your way around a Walker. Am I right?” They both nodded, and Eric continued, “Now I don’t like forcing people outside the wall if they don’t want to go, but we’re getting a little packed here and what we need more than anything is people who can go out on supply runs and make it back to us with what we need.” 

Holster spoke first, “I’m okay with that. Less dangerous than being outside all the time. Right, C?”

Chris nodded, “definitely. Whatever you say Cap.” 

“Great. Well—“ He was interrupted by two harsh knocks at the door and Larissa stepped back in with large brunette behind her. 

“What’s the verdict?” She asked in greeting. 

Eric looked up at the man who nodded to the second room attached to the common area. “Cait and Ransom are going to work in the infirmary, so set them up with Many when we’re done here, and Holster and Chris are going to jump in with the scavenging team, so if you’d take them to Dex after that?”

“Sure thing,” Larissa said, waving them all out the door. “I’ll get your housing assignments while you guys are figuring out work shit.” 

She closed the door behind her and Eric made his way into the messy second bedroom that currently served more as an office than anything else. 

“Hey sweet-pea, what’s going on?” He leaned against the door frame as Jack paced.

He took off his dirty red baseball cap and pushed a hand through sweat-damp hair. “I went to check out that hospital we marked on our last trip out.” 

“And?”

“Eric, we have a problem.”


	2. A Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yo, Dex!” Larissa called, Holster and Chris on her heels. Dex crawled out from under a beat up looking pick-up. 
> 
> “Yo, Larissa,” he called back, sitting up and wiping at the sweat on his forehead, leaving a stripe of grease in its place. 
> 
> “You got the truck running?” She asked. 
> 
> Dex nodded with a grimace, “Derek is fucking never allowed to drive her ever again. I pulled like three and a half Z’s worth of meat out of there. Like no shit she wasn’t running right.”

Eric stood over the small desk and looked down at the wrinkled map of the campus and the surrounding area that had been annotated within an inch of its life. There were black x’s over areas that had been thoroughly scavenged or too dangerous. There were circles made with yellow highlighter around places where they wanted to go in the future and boxes made with a fading purple marker to remind them of where they should go back. 

He ran his thumb over one of three gold star stickers as he tracked the red sharpie path Jack had made from Samwell to the hospital until his eyes caught on the black x his husband had put there. 

“I know we’re okay for a couple of months, probably, but one more shit show like that? Or, God forbid a breach or something? Eric, we were really banking on that hospital…I don’t like this. .” Jack was sitting on a rickety wooden chair behind him and bouncing his leg anxiously as he wrung his hands together. “I want to take a team tonight and go out a little farther. And we need to talk to Mandy about rationing in the infirmary. We used too much supplies—“

“We used as much as we needed to,” Eric cut him off. “Everyone who goes outside with you does it on their own and everyone who stays here is a thousand times better off than they are outside. So….you just stop. Okay?” 

Jack nodded but didn’t reply, abruptly stopping his shaking to take a long, forced inhale, bracing his hands on his knees. 

“Now, y’all just got back so I think you should rest a few days.” He turned around to lean back against the desk, “I need you to whip Chris and Adam into shape so they can go out with you and Dex.” 

Jack nodded and took a few more deep breaths before he spoke. “Okay.” 

Eric crossed the small room to drop a kiss on the top of his head, “but for now I think some R & R is in order”. He twirled his fingers through a lock of shaggy black hair, “Let’s catch a quick nap because I don’t think either of us has gotten much sleep in the past couple of days and then we’ll have dinner with the boys. All our problems will still be here in the morning and nothing is so urgent that we don’t have time to breathe. Okay, hun?” Jack nodded and let his head fall forward against Eric’s chest. 

“Alright,” he agreed, “bed time.”  
\---  
“Yo, Dex!” Larissa called, Holster and Chris on her heels. Dex crawled out from under a beat up looking pick-up. 

“Yo, Larissa,” he called back, sitting up and wiping at the sweat on his forehead, leaving a stripe of grease in its place. 

“You got the truck running?” She asked. 

Dex nodded with a grimace, “Derek is fucking never allowed to drive her ever again. I pulled like three and a half Z’s worth of meat out of there. Like no shit she wasn’t running right.” 

“Dude, gross.” Lardo replied, stepping to the side to introduce Chris and Holster. “Well, hopefully one of these guys is a better driver than your boyfriend.” 

“Yeah?” Dex asked, “when did you guys get in?” He stood up and whipped his hands off on his already dirty jeans, leaving a smear of blood and grease.

“A few hours ago,” Holster replied, “I’m Holster and this is my dude Chris. The Cap said you were running low on guys to go on supply runs?”

Dex nodded, “yeah we had an incident a few weeks back. One of our guys didn’t make it and the other has a kid to worry about—didn’t feel like he could risk it anymore.” 

“That sucks,” Chris said.  
“Yeah, it’s been me and Jack for a few weeks but, safety in numbers and all that. We could definitely use you guys if you’re good with Z’s.” 

Holster scoffed. “Dude, I don’t know about Chris, but I’m an expert with Z’s. Me and my buddy Ransom have been fucking around out there since the military dropped out.” 

“I’m good with dead-heads,” Chris added, “I’m not super good with guns, but I have a knife.” 

Dex nodded, “I’ll talk to Jack about taking you guys out on a day trip and we’ll see what’s up. Sound good?”  
\---  
Ransom and Holster were laying on the floor of a classic dorm room double on crappy plastic mattresses after eating more than they had in the last week combined. They were shown to “the guest wing” which was really just the 4th floor of what Holster could only assume was the Freshman dorms. 

“Dude.”

“Bro?” Ransom rolled onto his side to face him.

“I just realized that I can sleep tonight.” Holster was looking up at the ceiling like he was still in awe of this revelation. 

Ransom smiled, “are you psyched?”

Holster nodded and let his head fall to the side to look at Ransom, “I haven’t been this excited since we got our first apartment sophomore year.” 

“That apartment was shit, Holtzy.” Ransom laughed. 

“Yeah but it was our shitty apartment.” Holster argued, “besides you’ve been hogging all the sleep for the last like two days.” 

Ransom rolled onto his back, looking away, “I’ll hit you back for that, I promise, but in all fairness we might just be even after that time you had appendicitis.” 

“Okay I didn’t know--“

“You had a fever of like 103 and puked for three days, Holtz. I lost 10 years off my life. I got a grey hair, dude.” 

“Fair.” 

They chattered idly as they adjusted to the idea that their door had a lock, that not only would they not get rained on, but they wouldn’t get eaten either. Like, there was almost a zero percent chance of getting eaten.

Their conversation tapered off just as there were some trademark sex noises and a few sharp thumps against the wall to their right. 

“Damn Cait and C are using that single to the fucking fullest.” Ransom laughed. 

“Yeah, but they’ve got nothing on us.” Holster smirked. “If I hadn’t been awake for the last 30 fucking hours we could give them a run for their money.” 

Ransom shuffled closer, “damn right. Come on, Holtzy, you need to sleep. Tomorrow night we’ll show C and C what’s up.” 

Holster slung an arm across Ransom’s chest and nestled his face into the crook of his neck. "Maybe in the morning."

“Bro, you won’t be up in the morning, but I appreciate the initiative.” 

And fucking finally, they slept.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nurse?”
> 
> “I’m counting 12, and a half.”
> 
> “a half,” Jack hisses. 
> 
> “Yeah, fuckin…just look”

Jack was laying down flat in the bed of the truck, squeezed between boxes of scavenged Vienna sausages and a case of tomato soup, the barrel of his rifle laid over the edge of the tailgate. 

“Nurse?”

“I’m counting 12, and a half.”

“a half,” Jack hisses. 

“Yeah, fuckin…just look” 

Jack huffs a breath and peers through his scope. There is indeed half of a Z writhing on the ground, grasping at the asphalt for purchase, fingers worn to nothing from the friction. “Okay.” He rolled onto his side to face Adam and Chris. “There’s probably more inside, so guns aren’t an option. They’ll just swarm us. 

Adam nodded, “Chris and I can flank this group. Take ‘em out once we’ve got them rounded up.”   
“That works. Regroup by the telephone pole up there when we’re done. Yeah?”

Everything moved faster in the middle of a fight, for Adam, at least. Most of the time he felt like shit just…happened. And then it was over and he was surrounded by the newly re-dead. Chris was pulling his knife out of his kill with a wet squelch and a crack as the thing hit pavement. 

They met Jack and Nurse by the telephone pole. 

“This clinic has medical supplies that we need. Badly. We get in and we take everything. Okay? Nurse and I didn’t see movement through the windows when we did the walk around, but everybody stay alert.”

“Always, dude.” Adam agreed. 

Jack nodded, “Let’s go.”   
\---  
In the end they came out with two bottles loaded with prescription medications, most of which were even on the list that Mandy had drafted for them, and a handful of epi-pens, inhalers, and a full bag of bandages and sutures.   
Satisfied with their haul, Jack was significantly less tense as he lounged in the passenger seat as Adam drove. 

“When can I drive.” Nursey complained, sticking his head through the back window into the cab of the truck. “I never get to drive. 

Jack scoffed, “did you see how much meat Dex pulled out of this truck after the last time you drove? Nurse, we only have four reliable trucks.” 

“That was not my fault,” he complained. 

“Take that up with your boyfriend then.” Jack quipped, “Dex says you can drive, you can drive.” 

Nurse huffed and pulled his head out of the cab and slumped pack into his place in the truck bed, squished between bags and cates and boxes.  
\---  
“Good lord, honey, where did y’all go?” Eric asked, standing by as the rest of the boys unloaded the truck bed. 

Jack smiled, “24 hour urgent care three hours west.” He stacked a crate next to the cart Mandy was using to take the medical supplies back to the infirmary for inventory before grabbing his husband by the waist and pulling him into a kiss. “We got everything, Eric.” He said when he pulled back “We’re set for a month, maybe longer.” 

Eric looked at everything that was being carted off to be counted and rationed. They were back in the green, no longer so low on supplies that they were worried about how they were going to feed the camp or what they were going to do if someone got hurt. They were okay. He grabbed Jack by the back of his neck and pulled him back down for another kiss. “Excellent job, sweetpea.” 

“Hey,” Nurse called, “stop being gross and come help us so we can help Shitty with lockup before it gets dark.”

Eric cleared his throat and nodded, “I’m gonna go check on the kitchen and then make my rounds. See you for dinner?”

Jack nodded and took a heavy duffle that Nurse shoved into his arms, “take that to Many.” He said, stalking off, mumbling “disgusting.”


End file.
